Let’s start this off with a big, long, deep breath in…
Done? Good. Now, let’s begin.
Today’s topic can be a little heavy… I just wanted to make sure you were a little lighter to start, and clear the air by allowing you to get some FRESH air at the outset. Sometimes a simple deep breath and slowing down can make a world of difference. It helps to pause and to reflect, and in these small moments of peace, pause and calm, there is also an opportunity to give yourself grace.
Let’s talk about grace. As much as it can be important to acknowledge our flaws, our past, where we’ve been and what we’ve done, in order to move forward and improve, we also need to be able to say that it’s okay not to be whatever idealistic image we hold in our minds. We are perfectly imperfect.
We need to get real with ourselves, internally, but also, not let those acknowledgements of our human fallibility drag us down. This, in part, is grace. As well, we must recognize what has happened to us or pieces of the past we wish we could change… not to say we take no responsibility in it, but accepting and honoring the fact that NOT everything is within our control, and thus, some things do happen TO us.
We have to really understand ourselves to see where we are and where we want to go, in order to set the path between those points. Grace can help you see beyond the past, get present, and shift from low to high, to moving upward… or at least see the bottom, feel it, and start to build.
You may ask yourself or others why are you so low? Or what causes low confidence? This is why I bring up the topic of giving yourself some leeway or leniency; I call it grace (it just sounds prettier). Sometimes, we need this grace to help us move beyond low. How we got there is often part of what we must give ourselves grace FOR.
Ultimately, just as it IS possible to BUILD confidence, there is a real threat from people and scenarios that do a great deal of detriment to our true, inner selves. Confidence can be built up and it can be broken down. If a strong and grand structure, or wall, once built with the best, sturdiest foundation and materials, is left to the elements and unkempt, then after time, it too will chip, break, and erode. Maintenance is key for confidence like many skills, and practiced facets of the self.
In some cases, there may not be a simple or straightforward answer to that question, “why am I so low?” Or “why do I have such low self-esteem?” In other cases, sadly, it may be crystal clear: oftentimes, attributed to specific people or past traumas. Nonetheless, in some cases, the answer can also be forgetting about good ol’ GRACE, a lack of attention to yourself, and the building blocks of confidence.
Remember that you CAN build yourself up. It may not happen overnight; it’s not going to happen with a snap of your fingers, but it IS possible: to go from no or low confidence, and poor self-esteem, to that confident idealism you have in your mind. You may not be “picture perfect” and COMPLETELY the idyllic vision of yourself or someone you admire, or aspire to be, that you have in your mind. BUT you can achieve at least that level of confidence, with hard work and practice.
I know it because I’ve done it and I’ve helped and coached other like-minded, driven, aspiring and INspiring women to do it too. Your low confidence could be the result of the way you were socialized and seen by those around you; it could be due to difficult transitions in childhood, adolescence, and/or adulthood; it could be from past bullying, having been talked down to by the people you loved, trusted, or admired most; or simply from not being acknowledged, seen, or heard. Looking at this honestly is grace. Admitting its truth and its power over you, up until THIS VERY MOMENT, is GRACE.
If you have felt unseen or unheard, know that I see you; and I hear you. And I want you to start seeing yourself too, for who you REALLY are, and to start REALLY listening.
Give yourself that grace.
Grace can be your starting point to turning things around. From low to high.
Just because your confidence has been torn down, or eroded over time, doesn’t mean it can’t be built back up again. More confidence blogs.