Why Do We Lose Confidence?
Patricia Love

Do you often find yourself questioning your self-worth? Have you lost the poise and unfazed attitude you once had as a confident and successful woman? If so, then read on below to get a closer insight into why people lose their confidence, and how they can get it back.

Why Do We Lose Confidence?

Have you been noticing a decline in your self-confidence lately? Do you feel that you are not as sure of yourself and assertive as you used to be a while ago? If this rings true to you, don’t worry. 

You are not alone. Millions of people around the world question their abilities at one time or the other in their life – only to bring themselves back and become pioneers in their respective fields!

It could be that you were extremely self-assured once. No new challenge could faze you, and nothing could ruffle up your feathers. And because of this attitude, you might have even achieved great things in your past life. But now, you just seem to miss the mark at everything you do, and that has caused you to stop believing in yourself.

For those who find this familiar, I have good news for you. This does not mean that you are now a complete failure, with nothing to look forward to. On the contrary, with the right amount of optimism and motivation, you can surely bounce back from this diffident spell. I know I did!

What Can Cause You To Be Unsure Of Yourself?

Lacking self-confidence sometimes is normal – but remember not to allow yourself to be stuck there! But before we can get into how one can make a comeback from this, let’s discuss the basics. Let’s understand what causes a loss of self-confidence in the first place.

Childhood Traumas Are The Most Common Reason For Low Self-esteem

A lot of the time, issues of confidence in oneself arise from something that happened a long time ago. Early childhood traumas are one of the most apparent culprits since this is one of those times when a person is at his most tender and impressionable age. 

Any minor thing that happens in this age has somewhat exaggerated impacts on the mind and is mapped on there for years to come.

Even if a child might not show that they are deeply affected by a traumatic experience, the chances are that the effects are observed later on in life. This is because the memories persist even after a long time has passed. And this is the reason why parents need to be so careful when raising their kids and control their strictness. Being too critical of them in the age when their young minds are still developing can lead to them treating themselves the same way for years to come. 

Facing A Major Stumbling Block Can Place You Several Squares Behind From Where You Started

If the loss of confidence is quite recent and sudden, it is almost always because the person affected has gone through a significant stumbling block. There are a lot of setbacks one has to face in a lifetime, but some can hit you harder than the others. 

Anything that makes you question your abilities and talents can leave you quite timid to make another attempt. After all, you would not want to fail again, right?

The critical thing to understand is that failure is not a block in the road, but it is a step towards success. Whether you have failed an important test in college or misinterpreted the situation on Wall Street, you can always bounce back if you try enough times.  

Going Through A Stressful Life Event Can Have You Feeling Less Than Optimal

Sometimes, something terrible happening in your life can significantly impact your boldness and self-assurance – even if it is entirely unrelated. When you are stressed out about something, you begin to doubt your potential in all walks of life. A breakup with your significant other can leave you unsure of your new business. 

A hit on your finances can have you wondering if you are a good enough friend. Your child being bullied in elementary school can severely lower your endurance.

You Might Be Questioning Your Self Worth If You Have Some Serious Medical Concerns

If you are not your most healthy self at the moment, your trust in your prowess might take a severe hit. People with ongoing medical conditions often have phases where they think they are good at nothing – not even taking care of themselves. 

Your own body not behaving ‘normally’ can have you doubting everything you are capable of. This is why people suffering from chronic medical problems often need something extra to keep their spirits up.

Mental Health Issues Often Add On To Any Existing Lows We Feel

Along with less than optimal physical health, mental health issues also tend to lower your confidence levels. This is most often seen with disorders such as depression and anxiety. When the chemicals in your brain are all messed up, you fail to see yourself for all that you are worth. 

Instead, your mind conditions you to look down upon yourself, refuse to believe any compliments offered to you, and blame yourself for everything that goes wrong. All of this results in a grave loss of self-reliance, courage, and fortitude. However, like in all other instances, you can gain that confidence back in this case too.

So, What Can You Do To Regain That Lost Confidence?

Like I mentioned before, I have had times where I was not very sure of my abilities either. I would continuously downplay my achievements, was my most prominent critic, and just could not recognize my positives. 

All of this took me to a very dark place, where I convinced myself that I was worthless. But then, my friends and family came in to lift me again. With their support and my therapist’s advice, I managed to become a confident woman yet again.

This period of self-doubt taught me a few essential things. Even to this day, I continue what my therapist advised to make sure that I don’t fall down that rabbit hole again. Here, I will share some of the most useful tips and tricks that I use to keep my head up in uncertain times.

#IChoose to talk myself up everyday

When I was at my lowest, I noticed that I would talk to myself a lot. But all the time that I would be doing that, I would continuously be portraying myself in a negative light. Whatever I did was not timely, not right, and not enough. I told myself this so much that I inevitably started to believe in it with an unshakeable conviction.

This is why now #IChoose to do the exact opposite. Every morning, I like to repeat positive affirmations to myself in the mirror. I tell myself I am doing good, and I can truly achieve my dreams. 

#IChoose to not compare my life with someone else’s

You are likely to lose your cool-headedness if you are always competing with others. What you need to understand is that life is not a race. If you want to be truly happy and prosperous, you should be running at your own pace without comparing it to everybody else’s. Someone’s success is not your failure.

#IChoose to learn from the past instead of dwelling on it

Like we discussed above, past traumatic events and stumbling blocks are a huge reason for a loss in confidence. But this is only true as long as you keep dwelling on it. Failures are inevitable in life, but how you choose to respond to them is what makes all the difference. Instead of being stuck at one point, #IChoose to recognize my mistakes as mistakes, learn from them, and move on.

#IChoose to communicate my needs and wants clearly

Many times I feel that people don’t hear me or take me seriously. They often tend to ignore me or do not consider me to be significant enough to be catered to. But when I tried to explore this feeling and its causes in greater detail, I discovered this was all because I was not brave enough to communicate what I needed clarification.

This is why I now choose to be quite direct whenever I ask someone for something. If I need my underlings to help me out on a work project, I will phrase my question clearly. #IChoose not to bury my needs in pleasantries, and then only be left to question my leadership skills.

Final Words

Your sense of self is directly linked to what happens around you and how you respond to it all. While being a little unsure every once in a while is okay, making this a lifestyle is not. With the right attitude towards life, you can empower yourself to be the confident woman that you are meant to be.

I would like to thank Blogsfeed for picking me as one of the top 100 blogs and websites in 2020, every woman must follow!


As an active Realtor®, and in sales for 45 years in Washington State, Patricia coaches women in sales to “Refuel” by turning their “I Can’t” into “I Can.” She interrupts the negative behaviors that have sabotaged them and helps them create a new path towards positive results. Albert Einstein once said “The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again, and expecting different results.”

Patricia’s own story of trauma, death, and a slew of bad decisions as a young adult, forced her to flip her own inner script, or face alternative consequences. By interrupting and healing the negative behaviors that sabotaged her, she was able to find the courage, and new found energy to move forward in all areas of her life. She did this with the action of five words.

These inspiring words created her Exclusive Diamond Method”, as Patricia believes we are all a diamond in the rough, just waiting to shine! So, begin the healing, and shine bright like a diamond.

Contact Patricia to start the new life so you too, will shine!

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