Where To Start
When you learn to acknowledge your pain and problems, you try to seek a way out. However, a very significant step is needed before heading towards healing i.e. learning to forgive yourself and others. Read on THE ROLE OF SELF- FORGIVENESS
Have you ever thought about forgiving others whom you consider responsible for your suffering? Several painful and life-changing experiences may leave their marks on your mind for a long time. Starting from childhood (usually!) to your adult life, there can be one or more than one event that might be harrowing and distressing. So, the trauma comes to stay with you permanently. Now, it is up to you to let it be a visitor only or make it the eternal resident of your mind and thoughts. Unfortunately, people fail to overcome the perpetual depression, anxiety, and distress because they do not adopt the steps to complete healing.
When you wish to get rid of the prolonged spells of anguish and dejection, it is momentous to first acknowledge your pain and then learn to forgive others and yourself too, if needed. So, how can you achieve this? Let’s discover together:
What It Means To Forgive Yourself And Others
When it comes to forgiveness, the majority of people think that it only caters to forbearing others. However, the primary fact that goes unnoticed is that it starts from one’s ‘self’. If you are not able to forgive yourself, you cannot take the next step i.e. forgiving others. Charity begins at home so do yourself a favor and relieve yourself of all the guilt, shame, and self-blame to start your healing process.
I once met a couple that was apparently ‘happy together” but they had a very challenging relationship privately. It all started with Jane getting sexually molested as a child and Joseph getting physically and emotionally abused by his caretaker as a child. Both had different experiences but what made them one was the fact that they considered themselves guilty and deserving of the ill-treatment they had undergone as children. This consistent thought of self-blame and underestimation led to constant anxiety, depression, and tantrums. As a couple, both tried to be controlling but of course, these tactics do not work in the real life. So, they started blaming each other and inwardly had a feeling of remorse too for putting their relationship at stake.
According to Jane, Joseph was a narcissist and Joseph considered Jane as an immature lady with a victim mindset, and hence whatever he said or did seem like torture to her. Once they approached the professional help, she made them realize what the bone of contention was. Earlier, they could not forgive each other despite many efforts. They had peaceful days for some time but then something used to trigger the same hostile behaviors. So, they were revealed to the bigger reality. The reality of not realizing that they had to first release their minds from the hurtful thoughts and forgive themselves first before healing each other.
Why do you think coming to terms with each other was such a huge hassle for them? Why was it so? It was simply because both of them did not forgive their ‘selves’ and each other.
Now, forgiveness does not mean accepting all the ills and making things up, no matter what. This is exactly what forgiveness is not. In fact, forgiving yourself or others means that you realize that something went really wrong but you could not do anything at that time to stop it from affecting you. Now you are a different person and are capable of fighting all the demons. Forgiveness also means that you extend empathy towards yourself and others by understanding that the specific person had no better coping skills or was raised by some mentally challenged parents that led him or her to become a toxic person too. It also means that you tell yourself that you had no blame to carry for any wrongdoing of the past since you never asked for molestation or abuse.
Why is Forgiveness So Important
So, keeping all the aspects shared above in kind, it is extremely important to learn how to forgive others and yourself. Here are a few crucial aspects, that highlight why forgiving is so important:
- It emancipates you from torturous thoughts and feelings.
- When you decide on forgiving others, you get introduced to a ‘better you’
- The quality of forgiving others gives you an insight into other people and how they are also sometimes pitiable and not despicable only.
- Without choosing forgiveness, you cannot break the vicious cycle of hurt and toxicity. The act of forgiveness relieves your mind and heart of all the undue stress and with a healthier mindset; you bring up the next generation in a fruitful manner
What Happens When You Forgive Yourself and Others
When you exonerate others, you do yourself a bigger favor than them. Now, why do I say so? It is simply because forgiving others is certainly very hard and challenging but once you make an effort to do so, you witness the long-lasting and rejuvenating effects of this beautiful quality.
Once you acknowledge that there is pain residing in your heart, you go through an active grieving phase where you talk about things to a trusted fellow or a life coach. This is the catharsis that makes you feel lighter and less anxious. After this, the coach helps you look at the brutal experience in an empathetic way and makes you aware of the fact that nothing from the past can now be undone. All you have in your hands is your present which will surely determine and shape your future. So, accepting the trauma as it is and then looking at it in a considerate manner will speed up the process of self-compassion.
Once you successfully learn how to forgive and move on, self-reparation also starts and you keeping heading forward in the direction of self-reclamation by forgiving yourself and others.
Sooo, you need to remember this point which is the step to self-healing i.e. forgiveness for yourself and others is not going to be like a walk in the park. It will be exhausting, tough, and perplexing but, have you ever achieved anything genuinely awesome without going through some drill? So, learn this skill from an expert and get yourself free from any spiteful flashbacks. So, when are you finally going to dive in? What is THE ROLE OF SELF- FORGIVENESS that you play?
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